Monday, December 31, 2007


I occasionally peruse a web site called It's a pretty useful site, because beyond the usual boilerplate platitudes, TripAdvisor allows users to post their own reviews. When I'm hunting down a decent business hotel in Vienna or a tasty plate of fajitas in San Francisco, I read through 15 or 20 TripAdvisor reviews of a potential find, throw out the two or three most glowing, throw out the two or three most vitriolic, and I'm left with a feel for a given place that's proved fairly reliable

It's odd how some travelers are so inexperienced that something like nice mints on a pillow can rose-color their entire view of a entire city, yet others have such an overdeveloped sense of entitlement that anything short of unlimited free blowjobs from the well-dressed hotties at the hotel front desk causes them to trash a hotel in their reviews, and sometimes even the city it's in.

As for myself, I'm so jaded that it takes a really genuine horrendous experience for me to trash a place, and conversely, it takes a lot for me to gush over something travel-related. I expect very little, and I've pretty much seen it all, so I try to keep an even keel and shrug off lumpy beds or musty-smelling rooms or noisy elevators.

Still, I was in stitches reading this gem from TripAdvisor:

TripAdvisor Furnishes Funniest Traveler Comments of 2007

As Heard On TripAdvisor, Ten Priceless Posts

NEEDHAM, Mass., Dec. 26 /PRNewswire/ -- TripAdvisor®, the world's largest travel community, today announced the ten funniest traveler posts of 2007, as chosen by TripAdvisor editors. Many of these gems and more can be found on our humor blog,

  1. Not So Great Expectations
"I could have done without the blood-stained mattress
and the (actual) chunk of poop on my bedspread, but I
didn't expect the Hilton."

2. Rest in Peace
"I spent the night in the (hotel) room and experienced
a friendly spirit. This presence got into bed with me,
an old lady, she was nice and I just patted her on the
head and we had a comfortable restful sleep. I think
I will ask for a different room next time."

3. Mime Over Matter
"The neighborhood is filled with aggressive mimes,
including one sitting on a toilet bowl (how creative).
Room cards are changed for no reason and you cannot
understand why you can't get into your room. All
in all it was a very unpleasant stay."

4. Deep Thoughts
"Time could be spent pondering over the meaning
of some of the many safety signs around the complex.
Out of the several we managed to identify, the
two we found to be of greatest use were

1. Not to step on any crocodiles whilst bare foot
2. No ugly, or spotty children to frequent the pool."

5. Is That Really What You Meant?
"I echo the sentiments of the previous reviewer.
The ambience is lacking to be sure, but the food
is like angels copulating on your tongue."

6. Freezing Over
"Sleeping in the street during a blizzard would
be better than staying at this hell-hole. The
place should be imploded."

7. No Accounting for Taste
"Subject: Crab Trap Restaurant. We enjoyed
our experience at the Crap Trap. The food
is very good with nice size portions and
reasonable prices (especially for the shore).
The only down side is the wait."

8. A Sore for Sight Eyes
"Food not special, and the couple that
lives there with their dog is very
'homey' and 'folksy' types. Not for
everyone. The premises are well kept,
but some private parts we could see
thru open door were not."

9. Leave It to Beaver
"Imagine awakening at 4:00 am to the
sound of loud footsteps in the stairwell,
only to realize that someone is drunk
and knocking on your hotel door saying,
''s me. Let me in, Beaver.'"

10. The Last Laugh
"In fact, I told the management there that
I was putting a review on your website about
their poor service and they laughed at me
and said go right ahead, nobody reads the
TripAdvisor site."