Friday, November 21, 2008

There's No Dumbass Like a Rich, Arrogant, Ignorant Dumbass


OK....dumb, arrogant, ignorant, rich douchebags are, well, dumb, arrogant, and so forth, so let's make this a multiple choice question:


You're the CEO of a Big-Three auto manufacturing company. You're coming to Washington to beg, hat in hand, for a multi-billion-dollar bailout in front of a skeptical Congress. You're crying poor-mouth, you're vowing change in the way you do business.

Do you:

A) Pile into a plug-in hybrid prototype with the other two CEOs and DRIVE to Washington from Detroit, reaping huge publicity rewards? ("Yo Waggoner - ROAD TRIP!")

B) Drive into Washington from, say, Wilmington, in a 3-car plug-in hybrid prototype convoy, showing off the type of "green" products your respective companies plan to produce once Congress gives you the money?

C) Fly commercial in First Class?

D) Fly commercial in Cattle Class?

E) All three of you get on the telephone, order your respective Gulfstream corporate jets to spool up, and fly all three jets almost side-by-side from Detroit to Washington, spending $7500 an hour apiece on gilded transport?

Take the challenge. Depending on your answer, you may be more qualified to run one of the Big-3 Detroit Automakers than are the current douchebags.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

"One Who Seems To Have No First Language"

Irrespective of factual accuracy, I think I'm a pretty smart guy. One phrase I don't find myself uttering very often is "I wish I was as smart as [insert name here]".

In this case, it is with a huge amount of appreciation (if not envy) that I state the following:

I wish I was as smart as Dick Cavett.

Pure genius in print.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Going Long on "Money Honeys"

Warning: This post is NOT politically correct.

If the old saying "as goes GM, so goes the country" has any validity, then we're all up Shit Creek without a paddle. GM just went South of $3 (down 95% over just a year ago) and Henry Paulson has, apparently, completely lost control of the $700 billion "bailout" to the point where nobody, including Paulson, knows how much money has gone where, and to whom.

But in every bear market there's a silver lining. As I sat at my desk watching Yahoo Finance clips, drinking tea, and having my morning cry about the state of my 401(k), I couldn't help but notice the astonishing beauty and smooth, detached, cool, analytical demeanor of the bevvy of gorgeous talking heads telling me I'm completely fucked (in the financial sense). Alexis Glick, Jenna Lee, Rebecca Gomez, and Dagen McDowell of Fox Business News would look just as feng shui in a Cosmo photo spread as they do in their Wall Street / London studios, discussing the cratering economy glibly with "The Godfather of Hedge Fund Lawyers".

Where the hell does Rupert Murdoch find these babes?

The whole "Money Honey" thang started about 5 or 6 years ago with Maria Bartiromo of CNBC, who's not really that beautiful, but is witty, knowledgable, engaging, and a helluva lot easier on the eyes than Jim Kramer. Bartiromo, in fact, has personally trademarked the phrase "money honey". Bartiromo is smart as hell and seems down-to-earth, I could see her doing a sweaty strip-tease on top of a trading terminal to a funk tune after a few too many dirty martinis at the CNBC Christmas party.

Building on the success of Maria, CNBC then hired Sue Herrera, who also looks good on the air but doesn't seem to have the same raw smarts as Bartiromo.

Personal Note: I almost, literally, bumped into Herrera on a crowded walkway at the US Open a few years ago. She smiled at me as we almost did a chest-bump. She's a bottle blonde with a big Jackie-O beehive, a wide flabby ass (too much time in the anchor chair and not enough in the gym), you wouldn't look twice if you saw her on the subway. Pretty, genuine smile, though. Nice teeth. But she should avoid wearing white pants in public.

Recognizing a successful formula, CNBC then upped the ante by hiring the beautiful (and much younger) brunette Erin Burnett, who seems to be every bit as smart and savvy as Bartiromo. Burnett (to her credit) is apparently celebrating her brunette-ness. She's raven-haired and loving it, doesn't even attempt to bleach or streak her raven locks. As a matter of fact, I think Burnett might be going darker, as I initially saw her with a Rene Russo-esque reddish-brown coiff, but these days she seems to have gone almost an Alisa Milano black.

In his typical style, Murdoch is late to the game but he's going big. He hired the above-mentioned FOUR beauties for Fox Business News, each of which is more gorgeous and just as young as CNBC's Burnett. None seems to be quite as smart as Bartiromo or Burnett, and they all show traces (if you listen carefully) of high school giggly speech affectations. But, hey, when you're 26, you've got time to clean that up.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Lake Louise In My Future

One of the ways I keep myself entertained this time of year is to keep track of the change of seasons at my World Cup client venues (Lake Louise & Kitzb├╝hel) and my favorite places to ski (Snowbasin, Deer Valley, Beaver Creek).

Canadians in general, and the Lake Louise R.O.C in particular, are tough, resourceful mofo's. The Eurotrash wankmeisters at FIS bitch and moan about coming over to North America, but fuck them.....they come over here before it's even winter and get training runs and races off like clockwork at LL and at Beaver Creek (race venue run by my colleague & friend Greg Johnson). In the last 3 years, LL has hit their marks on 17 out of 18 training runs and 15 out of 15 speed races. In NOVEMBER. Meanwhile, European Club-5 member Val d'Isere has been canceled, what, 3 years running now, due to no snow?

Here's a photo of Lake Louise today, Nov 7th. They've made snow from top to bottom on the downhill course, and they are selling lift tickets to the public tomorrow.

This is what it looks like during World Cup:

In two weeks, I'll be there with my partner Ted and my team of timing geeks, setting up for World Cup. Will there be enough snow to race downhill on? Hell, knowing Lake Louise, it'll be -35C by then.